Did your life turn out how you planned it? I’m sure for some of you all the stars aligned and everything happened according to your plan. I see some peoples life and it appears to be that way. Did mine turn out like that? NOPE!!!! Not at all. I had dreams and plans for many things and so far none have turned out the way I hoped or dreamed for. Does it mean that I didn’t work as hard as you or that I didn’t follow directions. Not at all. What directions? This is life we are talking about. Even if I followed the bible to a “T” it does not mean life was not going to happen. We all have our paths and roads to take us to our end and none of ours paths are the same. We may cross each other in moments of unity but overall we walk different walks.
When I look at others peoples paths it works my nerves when people say stop wanting what other people have. I mean don’t get me wrong I have looked at other peoples lives and had a twinge of jealousy because they had what I didn’t but in the same thought they had what I wanted. I was never clueless to my own desires and the life I wanted. Its not really wanting the life they have when I thought at 6 years old my own life would look similar to theirs. However, we do have to love the skin we are in and the cards we are dealt. As many times as I look back over my life NOTHING looks as I planned but does it look so bad?
I am alive and doing well. My family is alive and doing well. Have I lost a few loved ones in the past, YES but I still have family who loves and supports me. My sister is a rock for my son and though 15 years younger she is still there for my son in ways I could not have ever fathomed. I have a sitter who adores my son and watches him like he is her child. When I say God sent the woman who cares for my child…GOD DID IT, and not only does she watch my child she watches half the babies at my church. Speaking of church….my foundation there is beyond my wildest dreams.
I remember being a child wanting and longing to go to church. I mean I visited here and there but I did not have the core foundation of a church home. My mother felt like she knew God well enough on her own and was burnt out with attendance and church folk. However, God blessed me with an extended family that is awesome beyond my wildest dreams. Most visitors think we are a cult and that is so far from the truth. We have our ups and downs but learn how to push through and come out on the fantastic end of Love. In addition, my foundation of scripture is phenomenal.
My spouse works my last nerve in every way possible. But when I reflect…..where would I be without him? His is my constant and he loves me beyond measure. He comes home every day, he is a growing dad and spouse, and he tries to learn. None of us are perfect and I know the challenges I can present from day to day. (In the middle of my typing this he is putting Keenan to bed in an effort to help me focus on this post. I just had to come back and add that in).
Lastly but not last at all, my child is the greatest thing in the world to me. He is 3 years old right now so he works my extended last nerve but there is never a day that goes by that I do not miss him and long to see his smile. He is alive and well, smart as a whip, and outside of his attitude he cares for me just as much as I do for him. Every morning he is running down a list of things I need to make sure I have. Mom you got our glasses, ….keys, ….phone, ….purse? As I am typing now he is on his table learning how to write his letters and numbers all on his own.
I didn’t finish college when I was supposed to. Since I did graduate I have not found a better job. The bills keep pilling up. I lived with my husband before I got married. I had Keenan before I got married. I had a small wedding when I wanted a destination wedding. Ummmm….that’s about it.When you put things into perspective that list seems short and irrelevant compared to all the other things I listed above. I know your list may be totally different than mine….and maybe your cons do outweigh the pros and if they do I’m sorry. However, like I mentioned last week the people I know whose cons are greater are still more grateful than the rest of us.
Remember in the beginning I told you that you all are growing with me. I am not saying this is easy. I fall into the rut of feeling sorry for myself from time to time but every time I do these list come back and its not so bad. The difficult part is not letting the thought cross my mind. However, we have to choose to be happy. Easier said than done huh? Well I really have been trying this out and it is a work in progress but I will say its working. So these are some things that I have done to try to learn happiness.
- Stop looking at other people! – Yes. Its not that I want what they have as I didn’t know what I wanted for my won life but regardless of the reason that was not the life God planned for me or that I planned for myself. Their life is their life and my life is my life and it is what it is. In addition, you don’t know their story or even if what they present to you is happiness. They could be in a living hell while smiling and posing for Facebook.
- Be honest with yourself – I said above that was not the life God planned for me or that I planned for myself. If you remember last week we briefly discussed being honest with yourself. Some of my failures were my choice. Did I think they were going to lead to failure in the beginning. No, but it did and it was still MY CHOICE.
- Let go of the plan – Screw a plan. I mean yes you set goals and you work toward them but if they don’t come to pass get over it. Sooner rather than later. A plan in regards to everything and everyone following accordingly is going to fail you every time.
- Work towards things – Although life cannot necessarily be planned you do have to set goals. If you have thrown yourself off track it is going to take a little hard work to get back on track. For example; saving, investing, getting a home. etc. Those things take planning and a little bit of work and dedication.
- Stop chasing money rather than happiness – If you worked as hard at being happy as you do at getting paper you probably would have stopped reading a long time ago. Money makes the world go ’round but it does not have to define your happiness. People I know that make serious money work so hard they don’t have time to enjoy it or the people they are probably working so hard for. Don’t get me wrong, we all want enough to be comfortable with no struggles at all and even I struggle with the fact that God has given enough. But be content with what you have now until more comes.
- Give back – I mentioned in past post that I have taken over the community events at church. This was in an effort to find happiness in my own situation by realizing how blessed I am compared to some others.
- Embrace the small moments – I discussed in the very first week taking the time to embrace small moments with your kids. Really embracing the little things. This should be done with children, your spouse, family, and yourself.
- Practice what you preach – Listen to the things you tell your kids. I mean if you are trying to teach them anything listen to what you say. Quite often what comes out of your mouth to them is the same things God is still saying to us at our age.
- Be selfless – Now I ain’t gonna lie. When it comes to my immediate family this is difficult. Heck, even a few acquaintances. However, we need to take on the mindset everything we do is for the other person and truly expect nothing in return. We probably need to treat strangers like our family and family like strangers.
- BE HAPPY! – Wake up every day and try to be happy. Listen to your happy song. BECAUSE I’M HAPPY!!!! Yep you know it. Start every day off with something that is going to get you in the mood and remind you that its a new day to take on new challenges and accomplish your goals.
This is my ten step program that I am still trying to figure out but I hope it helps. I also hope it didn’t sound typical to what you normally hear. Work hard at it, don’t give up, and it will come to pass.
Stay motivated until net week
The Sophisticate Boy